PROCRASTINATION

Aaah, PROCRASTINATION ..... music to my ears. Seems that this is the one thing in my life that I am good at. I keep thinking that if I don't have something interesting to say then it's not worth writing about. Then I think if I don't have any photos for my blog, then my post will not be ... hmm, well "very interesting". I look at other peoples blogs and think ... nice photos .... interesting ... and don't feel the same way about my blog. But then I wonder am I doing this for myself or for other people???

I always plan to write and keep hoping I'll be suitably inspired ... but well the inspiration just isn't coming of late. I hear it's called "writers block". Then I just wonder if I shouldn't write about uninteresting things, or just even write for the sake of writing and it will get interesting eventually ... or maybe not, who knows.

Then I wonder if the reason I can't think of things to say is because I'm so busy in my life ..... working, being at home with my daughter (and that's a full time job in itself) ... although, funny about that, she just keeps saying to me "mum, you are never home ... you are always working". She's a challenge, but you've got to love her. Those of you that know my daughter will know that she has her challenges .... and for those that don't, she has Asperger Syndrome, which is an Autism Spectrum Disorder or ASD for short. Although she is 19 chronilogically, in lots of ways she is not 19. She always says "mum, you have to love me, it's your job." I do love her and not because, as she says, "it's your job". You love your kids because you gave birth to them and they come to you, mostly from love, but that doesn't mean that you can't find them a challenge, or just plain hard work at times. Interesting thought that ...... loving something or someone so much and yet finding them hard work. Guess we are all human, with human feelings and emotions.

My paid job is that of personal carer and at the moment I am looking after a person and doing lots of extra volunteer hours on top of the work/paid hours. It feels good to be helping someone who is unable to do what they need to do for themselves. But I do get tired. I need to draw the line somewhere, but like many women we don't know how to do that. We tend to keep going and going and put others needs before our own. I feel a bit like that at the moment.

Overwhelmed and frazzled at times you might say. It will slow down shortly, eventually, but for now I'm just busy.

As a mother you have to find the time to do so many things ... and that is hard when you are a single parent and don't have the back up of a husband/partner. But somehow in the end you seem to muddle through. But then life's like that in so many ways for most of us.

I started writing this because I couldn't sleep. It's now 4.59am and I'm still awake writing. I'm off to try and get some sleep.