Saturday, December 10, 2011

Tears on the ground beside my feet .........

Sometimes things happen in our lives and they are impossible to understand ... we have to accept them for the way they are because we have no control over them. There are moments when we are strong and able to deal with those things and then there are other moments when the pain and hurt and sadness is much harder to put away ..... that is when the tears come. If only for a brief moment and then we let them go again and try to feel gratitude for what we do have rather than what we don't have.
A woman sits alone, staring over at the children playing in the playground.  She watches them as they climb on the play equipment, their joyous laughter filling the air.  She watches them run and fall, then get back up and keep going, filled with an abundance of energy that she could never hope to find.
She watches as they climb the rungs of the ladder to the top of the slide, intense looks on their faces, working feverishly to reach the top.  Little knees bending, legs twisting around to be put out in front of their little bodies, edging their way to the very top of the slide.  Suddenly their bodies are hurling toward the bottom of the slide, when suddenly they slow, put their feet firmly on the ground and go running around to the bottom of the ladder enthusiastically, to repeat the feat.  Smiles on their faces, they feel bliss at the exhilaration of their achievement.
One child momentarily falls and begins to cry, then a lady, obviously not his mother, but his grandmother, rushes to his side, throwing her arms around him and hugs him close to her body.  Then there is the sound of shushing, the sound that offers comfort to little ones when they hurt themselves.  The sound that only mothers and grandmothers can make.  The child clings to his grandmother, calling to her, wailing and crying about how he has hurt his leg and he needs a band-aid.  The grandmother says to the child "Grandma will kiss it better" and then proceeds to lay an endless supply of kisses on his face and then on his knee.  The child slowly stops crying and then starts to laugh as his focus becomes the kisses rather than the hurt.
As the woman on the seat sits and watches this scene play out, she thinks of her own grandchildren somewhere.  She thinks of those beautiful little ones that she may never know and wonders what they are like.  She wonders will she ever feel the joy of truly being a grandmother.  She will never know what it is like to be a grandmother for the first time, for that opportunity has been and gone.  She will never have the chance to hold that small and innocent bundle in her arms.  To stroke that tiny little face, and tell that perfect bundle that she loves them and that she is glad to have them as part of her family.  To feel the inexplicable joy of knowing that through her own children, life will go on and that the world is a better place for having this child in it.
She sits and watches and thinks to herself that she hopes that this grandmother appreciates what she has ..... but as she sees the grandmother hug and hold and comfort this child, she knows that this child is truly loved.
As tears roll down her face and drop onto the ground at her feet, she prays for a miracle in her life .......


sister outlaws said...

Oh Lotti, I'm so sorry you haven't met your grandchildren. After mothering five children you deserve the priviliged and special role of grandmother - of being able to do the fun and lovely things after all the lard work of bringing up your children. I hope you get your miracle.

L!$@ said...

Beautifully written. I hope you get to meet your grandkids one day.