MY DAD

MY DAD ..... 46 years ago this past week, my dad was killed in an accident.  

I was only 6 when my father was killed and I don't think I was really old enough to understand what was happening.  I don't think I could comprehend that he wasn't coming back again.  That I would never see him again.  

 

But of course you can't know that when you're only 6.  When you are that age life is so simple.

You don't even entertain the idea of death, and especially not the death of your father. 

I didn't get to go to my father's funeral.  I think that back then people thought it wasn't 'the done thing' for children to attend a funeral.  You protected children from that 'sort' of thing.

One day my father just never came home again and it seemed that I was expected to accept that he was gone.  Well how do you accept that ?  How do you comprehend death and its finality when you are such a young child ?

There are lots of things I wish I could remember about the man that was my father.

I wish I could remember his arms around me and the warmth of his body holding mine.

I wish I could remember his voice, but I don't.

My father was a sailor, a laborer and he worked hard.

He always had shiny shoes to go to work.

January 1966 (approx. 4 weeks prior to my father's death)

If I had a moment to speak with you, I would tell you that I loved you and that more than anything, I wish that you hadn't left and gone away at such a young age.

I know that there was a reason that you had to leave and one day I know I will understand why that had to be.

I know that I will see my dad again one day and I look forward to that day.

I cannot wait to see you and have you hold me in your arms and tell me that you love me. 

I can't believe how much I still miss you after all these years.

I love you my father and I will never, ever forget you.